016-tat

3:26 PM me: tattoo idea:

3:27 PM in big old english letters

"anyone who doesnt want to do what i want to do is deemed a fool in mine eyes"

across my shoulder blades

with a fuckin tiger

riding an eagle

3:28 PM

michael: woah.

i came

me: the eagle is playing a guitarmade of zombies

eating babies

that are sucking tits

of valkyries

with medusa hair.

3:29 PM and each snake has a middle finger for a tongue.

and the knuckles say HATE

...yeah.

i too came.

michael: christ did jesus start fuckin gchatting me, cus no mortal human could fuckin come up with that shit

3:30 PM me: tis no deity.

tis i.

015 - gak

2:36 PM me: jesus christ why are testicles so hard to scratch??

fuck

i almost just went insane.

i had to pinch and pull to alleviate the itch.

Charley: pants get in the way

the pinch is the best method
yes, the "pinch and roll" is the method I use me: even if i were naked...
its just... theyre so malleable

2:37 PM its like scratching Gak

014 - payroll guy

4:35 PM

me: this guys curl fro kills me

michael: hell yeah man dude....touch it

me: awww noway! ill catch curl disease 

michael: dude. no you wont. you will get super powers

me: ill turn into gene wilder!

michael: hahahaah hell yeah hes like a movie star

me: how'd he get his pubes up there man? seriously. i wish he wasnt standing next to me.

michael: why? i bet he smells neato dude is a copy machine pimp me: i fear his head pubes might fall into my glass of water

michael: hahahahaha.

me: why does he always wear beige? its the same color as his curl fro. and his skin. he's like a walking beige swatch.

michael: his nickname is "the beige"

me: the beige. i like it.

michael: yeah. the beige ooo here he comes, the beige watch out! hes fuckin mono tone ooo is he naked no hes the beige the fuckin beige looks like a inverted penis the beige boom bip bam what color are his shoes?

4:44 PM

me: tan. i mean beige

013

4:40 PM me: http://fantasyartdesign.com/free-wallpapers/imgs/new/483d-ghost-ship-poster.jpg

4:42 PM that shit makes my pirate dick hard.

4:44 PM michael: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

4:45 PM ice pirates

sail ye icey seas

arrrr

bad ass

a wolf should be at the helm

4:46 PM me: yes.

a half woman half wolf beast tempist

with big fake tits.

4:47 PM michael: ooooh yeah. temptist of the sea....temptist of ye loin

4:48 PM me: me loins

michael: just nix the ship and make it a big titted naked woman floating on her back, make that moon a sun with a sunset fade....add a dolphin and man....i can smell the money now

me: yarrr

thats not money ye smell...

4:49 PM i just came a little when you described that design.

012

Mike: so this is my last few hours here

sucks

me: zang.

3:40 PM are you being blown?

Mike: uhhm...not currently

she's at work

me: zang.

me: are you wanking it?

Mike: soon

after packing

me: you should wank into your luggage

for customs.

those fuckers.

3:41 PM Mike: dont think theres room for the seem

me: soon theyre going to start checking your balls for more than three ounces of seem

3:42 PM and if you have too much, you have to go to the mandatory whacking room.

and there will be sexy homeland security agents.

waiting to stick a thumb up your butt and give the ol' reach around.

Mike: 3 oz tho?

me: think about how happy everyone would be to go through airport security.

3:43 PM yah... 3 oz is a lot.

Mike: that's like a quarter can of coke

3:54 PM Mike: i cant believe i couldnt figure out how to spank it until i was 12

i wasted like 20% of my life

011

11:39 AM me: ever think about selling your sperm?

11:40 AM Charley: no

to who?

me: like on the street.

nickle bags of spunk.

11:41 AM Charley: hmmm, never thought of that

what kind of market do you think you would have?

me: illegal immigrants that need to get knocked up?

Charley: Lesbians trying to have a baby? so there are 2 possibilites. you could do sperm in a turkey baster

11:42 AM

me: and charge per pump

Charley: yes

per pump would be good

me: carry an alcohol wipe, to wipe of the injector after each use.

you know, to stay sanitary and avoid lawsuits

11:43 AM Charley: yes
one pump of a turkey baster is a lot of semen

me: a quarter pump would suffice.

50 bucks for a quarter pump.

90 for a half.

11:44 AM 150 for two half-pumps or 4 quarter-pumps

me: the family deal

Charley: oh

for more than one person

me: right.

11:45 AM knock up a whole family. why not?

Charley: i still dont see a whole lot of money in this

as there is always some guy willing to stick his dick in even the ugliest woman

11:46 AM and they could probably get it for free

me: fuck.

youre right.

but this is good, upper-middle class seem

Charley: hmmm

well

me: at least worth 5 bucks a quarter

Charley: you would need to market it as such

11:47 AM iq test results

show off the artistic talent

put a face and mind to the seed

11:48 AM me: fuck it.

too much work.

i just wanted to jerk off in a turkey baster.

010

9:07 AM me: shade grown organic costa rican coffee makes for happy time.

9:08 AM Charley: My balls are shade grown and organic too.

9:09 AM me: yet somehow they are tan.

9:11 AM Charley: that's just tan charley being tan charley